Yes, this is not hard to discern from some of the times at which I post.
Since I have been job hunting I have tended to stay up late. Staying up late is a little too easy since I have that double whammy known as insomnia and sleep apnea. I have a little "Darth Vader" machine I find helpful. I once gave a demonstration of it to my now eight-year old niece. She heard the air flowing out of the mask and said it didn't sound like Darth Vader. I put the mask on my nose (thankfully it only needs to cover the nose) and she said it still didn't sound like Darth Vader. I asked her to come up very close to me and listen carefully. She did so and after a few seconds sat back and laughed, "Oh! Now I hear it! It DOES sound like Darth Vader!" Yes, well, that's why I call my little machine the "Darth Vader" machine.
And, obviously, I'm not using it right NOW because it would be awkward to use such a thing while blogging.
While I job hunt and consider my options I also blog ... and compose. I am excited about the possibilities of a fugue in A major for solo guitar and have just spent a few hours toiling over a possible fugue in E minor for solo guitar. Of all the preludes and fugues I have composed for the guitar up to this point the one I am most proud of is the one in G major. And I am also willing to admit (or brag) that Atanas Ourkouzounov enjoyed the piece, which means a lot to me. If I thought there was any chance he would play or premiere some of the preludes and fugues for guitar he'd get a dedication ... actually I have found his work inspiring enough I may eventually dedicate something to him anyway. Chamber music for classical guitar by a Bulgarian composer living in Paris is unique, unique in most excellent ways.
Meanwhile, I ply my trade such as I can. At some point I should probably work up the nerve to play my compositions in front of people but I have to confess I often doubt if they are really that good or interesting enough to be played for an audience and, assuming that they are, if I am really the best advocate for my works. I had a repetitive motion injury, a pair of them actually, that messed up my hands badly. It was tendonitis bad enough to get treated like carpal tunnel syndrome and I got it in my early twenties. It was a miserable time and playing the guitar was very difficult. Had I not had some classical training on technique I am honestly not sure my playing would have recovered from the damage my hands and wrists got. I do okay most of the time but juggernauts of data entry such as I had in 1999 remind me that bodies wither and fade with time. I have since then pursued composition with more alacrity than performance by a considerable margin.
Composing music is where I find the most joy. Performing, meh, it's okay. But if I don't perform my prelude and fugue in G major who will?
Perhaps more pertinent, should I not get some sleep? I want the week on week of free nights to end at some point! I need to work more than I have often seriously considered before. The best thing I can do for that is work at finding work and also work at composing music.
To be honest I have abandoned most theological research and study. It is not that I don't love biblical literature, far from it! Perhaps it is more accurate to say that I have set aside ACADEMIC reflection on biblical literature and theology. I am considering things from a more personal vantage point and am realizing that emotionally my faith is under-developed and that a lot of zeal has been missing from it. Given the way I threw myself into things at Mars Hill I have come to believe that one of my idols was being immersed in a church culture. I have often wondered if it would not benefit me a great deal to have a more Sunday-only approach to church or to have a Christian walk that involves emotional connections rather than attempting to continue in the more academic vein I was best known for at the church I was a member of for so long.
And appropos of nothing, I am very interested in cooking up spicy pork bulgogi. Even in Seattle four stars is nothing more than a good start in most Asian restaurants.
I'd blog about job hunting but I don't feel like it right now.
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