Thursday, January 05, 2012

HT Phoenix Preacher: Driscoll comes up with 9 reasons Real Marriage is for Singles

1. Real Marriage Is about Biblical Relationships in General
I'm going to pass anyway.  Last I checked I have this awesome book about biblical relationships in general called the Bible.

2. The Study Guide Includes Material for Singles
Oooh!  I should not only buy the book but the study guide, too?  That's a reason to buy the book?

3. You’ll Probably Be Married One Day
My mom keeps hoping on this one but even she would tell me this does not constitute a reason to buy your book.  That haircut story was instructive, though.  Now I know that if a wife gets a haircut that favors her being a mother instead of a wife that's some kind of marital treason. 

4. Real Marriage Will Help You to Counsel Others
Some of your friends are probably dating, thinking of getting married, engaged, and/or married. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you don’t have wisdom to share with those friends regarding relationships. Paul and Jesus were single, but they still talked and taught on marriage. Real Marriage will help equip you to give good counsel to friends regarding their relationships.
Just because I'm single doesn't mean I don't have wisdom to share with couples about relationships?  If you've ever actually set foot in a Mars Hill service or a Mars Hill community group there may not be an LOL large enough for this one.  It would appear that the sales pitch is that if I buy this book THEN I will have wisdom to share with people.  Why earlier this week I shared Paul's review of real marriage and it was kinda short. 

5. You Will Understand Your Family Better
As in, "This book will let members at Mars Hill or Driscoll fans figure out how their parents sinned against them by being bad parents and how the Driscolls are the better alternative"? That's how it's worked out in people I've known at Mars Hill over the last decade.  I don't know if I'd endorse this.

6. You Can Investigate Your Idols of Independence and Dependence
So if you DON'T want to be married that's an idol of independence and if you DO want to be married that's an idol of dependence.  The solution prescribed in both cases has implicitly been, "You should grow up, shake off adultescence, and get married."  I think I worked that out from Driscoll sermons at some point over the last ten years.  It's like equestrian medicine where everything gets worked out with a handy shotgun.

7. Real Marriage Will Help You Deal with Sexual Sin
Maybe, but it could put ideas into my head about sexual techniques and positions I've never heard of before that I don't want to know about and could cause even more avenues for temptation for me. Has Mark gotten over the need to say stuff on the level of, "Hhaving sex with a condom is like asking a guy to eat a steak with a latex glove on his tongue?"  I don't need to find out.

8. Learn How to Live a Full Life As a Single Person
Because nothing will help me live a full life as a single person like buying a book on marriage from the Driscolls?  And if I decide that maybe a lifetime without marriage or sex is the better option for me will you stop saying that guys like me are boys who can shave who are stuck in adultescence and aren't real men?  Couldn't I just live a full life as a single person without reading this book?

9. You May Find a Spouse
Oh, of course this makes sense!  Because 3x3=9!  I ... I ... just can't possibly argue against THAT reason!

Now I must buy it!  Oh, wait, I've got no job and no money.  Oh well, c'est la vie.

Too bad, the buttons for quick purchases of the book at and Barnes & Noble were ... just ... right ... there ... at the bottom of the article.

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