Gib Martin founded Trinity church. Grace Driscoll described the church. Mark Driscoll, for his part, described how Gib Martin's church was where he was allowed to preach his first sermon.
This is interesting. What's interesting is to compare this warm and affable account of the Martin family with the account Grace Driscoll shared in Real Marriage, where there seemed to have been an undercurrent of resentment on Mark Driscoll's part toward the Martin family, at least from the following passage from Real Marriage (earlier edition):
Real Marriage: the truth about sex, friendship and life together
Mark and Grace Driscoll
copyright (c) 2012 by On Mission, LLC
Making issues even worse, I (Grace) realized I hadn’t really followed the Genesis command to leave my family and cleave to Mark as my new family. I still called my mom daily and complained when Mark and I were fighting; we spent all our holidays, birthdays, and vacations with my side of the family, rather than starting some of our own family traditions. My parents had keys to the house and would stop by at any time unannounced, so we lacked privacy and I didn’t see it as a problem. I called them “my family” which made Mark feel as if he and I weren’t family. I had to learn to pray and work through our conflict differently, plan some of our own traditions and memories, set healthy boundaries of privacy, and refer to Mark as “my family” and others as our “extended family.”
Learning to others "extended family" ... did that, say, apply to Grace Driscoll's parents or sibling? The passage suggests that early in the marriage Mark Driscoll had some significant issues with his wife calling her actual blood relatives "my family" as if that somehow implied that he was just ... the husband?
So by Grace Driscoll's account in Real Marriage from 2012 it seemed that in the early years there were some issues Mark had with how close she was to her family verses how close he felt she was to him or him to her.
It's also worth remembering that by 2006 and 2008 Mark Driscoll's ideas of healthy boundaries of privacy and access to Grace may have evolved a bit.
Shortly before Paul was confirmed as a pastor/elder, I was invited to a dinner to celebrate Grace’s (Mark’s wife and my friend) birthday. There were a dozen or so women in attendance and I ended up sitting next to Karen Schaeffer, who was Mark’s administrative assistant - a lovely, older, godly woman whom I greatly respected. Sitting next to us was an elder’s wife who was close in age and who also had quite a bit of previous ministry experience. The three of us enjoyed great conversation – alive, encouraging, as iron sharpens iron. We ended up being the last three to leave the restaurant and as we walked to the car decided we should pray together for some of the things that had been shared. We got in the car and ended our time together praying for many things, including the elders, our families and the church.
The next morning I heard from the elder’s wife, the one Karen and I had so enjoyed - that she had shared our conversation with her husband and he felt that it showed “disloyalty” on Karen’s part, was gossip, and that it needed to be brought to Mark, which he did. Karen was fired. The gist of what she shared that was branded “disloyal” was a heart of thankfulness that my husband, Paul, was being made an elder because Mark needed strong men around him who could handle and stand up to push-back. When I found out what this elder and his wife had done, I called Mark immediately in tears and asked him to forgive me for my part in that conversation. Looking back, I’m not sure that Karen or I really did anything wrong, but I was sure afraid.
For those who don't remember Mark Driscoll's marathon session teaching staff about spiritual warfare from early 2008, it stands as a landmark in the history of what was once Mars Hill as Mark Driscoll's instruction not just on spiritual warfare but also on things like the generally satanic nature of women who have wanted to be friends with pastors' wives. Since you probably will not find this content anywhere else Wenatchee The Hatchet has to quote content transcribed and published here. The odds that the Driscolls will bring this content back seem remote.
February 5, 2008
Pastor Mark Driscoll
Part 2: The Devil
I'll tell you, in the history of Mars Hill, I mean, I have had to put up a firewall, a moat, guard dogs, and a high wall with barbed wire on top, and snipers behind it, around my wife. There are certain women who, they just need to know what Grace is doing and they are determined, they say things like, uh, "Hey, we need to have dinner with your family." [slight chuckle] No you don't. "Hey, we need to have coffee." No you don't. "Hey, phone number." What? Nope. "Email." Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
"Oh, come on." Nope.
"But I thought you were our pastor."
I am and my first lesson is to tell you you're Satanic.
"Oh, come on, in our last church the pastor's wife [sob] she was my best friend and I got to talk to her all the time."
Well, she was Satanic, too. Give me her number, I'll call her and tell her. We'll help her out.
Sometimes womens' ministry is the cesspool that this kind of activity flourishes in. Some have asked, "Why don't you have womens' ministry?" The answer is we do, but it's, you have to be very careful, it's like juggling knives. You put the wrong women in charge of womens' ministry, the drama queen, the gossip mama, all of a sudden all the women come together, tell her everything, she becomes the pseudo-elder quasi-matriarch; she's got the dirt on everybody and sometimes the women all get together to just rip on their husbands in the name of prayer requests. Happens all the time. Happens all the time. We have worked very hard so that the women who teach here are like Wendy Alsup who I really love and appreciate and respect. She's not like that.
Womens' ministry was like juggling knives? Is Grace Driscoll absolutely sure Mark Driscoll never, ever said anything that could be construed as even possibly misogynistic?
Now perhaps the Driscolls have taken a more open approach in Phoenix that lets Grace have some friends in comparison to what Mark Driscoll was saying in 2008.
But the recent presentation Mark and Grace Driscoll gave about the connection that Gib Martin's family had to Mark Driscoll's earliest attempts at ministry is a bit different. To go by the gritty narrative of Real Marriage from 2012 it seems Grace's account (assuming no ghostwriting happened) was that Mark could almost be understood to have resented the Martin family. Grace got presented as not feeling there was any problem of a lack of privacy and that it was okay for family to make unannounced visits that, by implication, Mark seemed to have some significant problems with.