audio from August 24, 2007
[interviewer] I don't know if you remember when you did the assessment for me at the boot camp a million years ago [Driscoll says, "no"]. You pulled my wife and I into a room. And this is, like, you chewed me out the first time we met and you were the nice Catholic boy around my wife, which was really cute, it was a nice move. [Driscoll laughs] Suddenly she thinks, "He's a nice guy. Why are you saying he's mean?" and, and, you asked my wife, "Who is your husband's pastor?" and she started trying to name the guys of a three-thousand person church that was sending us out, and your answer was, "No, you're his pastor."
Can you talk a little about the dynamic of a family, behind the scenes, planting a church together? What does it look like to have a wife who is submitting to you but brave enough to speak into your life? What is it like to have kids who are planting maybe in an area that is not an area you would want to raise kids in?
Well, with the wife, it's really important to define the role of the church planter's wife. If you don't everybody will come in the church, usually it's old matriarchal, "I ran a women's ministry and I know how to fill in the blanks on a lot of curriculum" type chicks and they will define for your wife what it means to be the pastor's wife to your demise. Next thing you know she'll be wearing a muu muu, quoting King James verses, and you're gonna kill yourself so you have to clearly define up front what your wife is and is not going to do.
I have made it very clear my wife's photo will not be on the website. My wife is not First Lady. My wife does not need to be at every event. I mean I love my wife. She's very She's very gifted. That's why I married her but, and I want my wife to serve in the church according to her giftings like other Christians but you're not getting a second free staff two-for-one deal on this hire. I have five little kids and my thing is that my wife stays home and raises our children and I think it is still difficult for my wife to understand how important she is to me. I need her more than I need anybody else. She sees the fact that I'm pretty ruggedly independent and pretty strong-willed and so she seems to, she got the impression because of my overcompensation of my insecurity that I was doing fine by myself.
I've had to really clearly articulate to her, particularly in recent years, "I really need you. Like, I have to have you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually present." I need to meet you. We need to tuck the kids in. We need to have couch time and I need to talk and I need [you] to hold me. I'm a high, I'm a very high-maintainence man, I've learned. I need my wife emotionally because I don't get that from my ministry. My ministry is very emotionally draining. My wife, I need her to emotionally and spiritually and physically connected to me.
And so some people have asked, you know, "What does your wife do here at Mars Hill?" I said, "She makes sure I can still be the pastor." That's the most important job. Somebody else can play piano or answer the phone but nobody else can be my wife. I can delegate a lot of things. As soon as you delegate wife you have real trouble. You know there's verses on that all over the place. And what I would say is we do believe in the doctrine of submission we do believe complementarian theology
but in Genesis I'll ask the ladies "You were made to be the what?" Genesis 2, I think it's around verse 18. Helper. What that means is he needs you. He needs you to help him. Not just help him plant the church! Help him be a Christian, and a husband, and a father, and then he'll be a great pastor because a good Christian-husband-father, those guys make good pastors. That's why 1 Timothy 3, Titus one (next session) if you're a good husband, Christian, pastor--rather, a good husband, Christian, father then you get to be a pastor.
And so, for me, the real important thing is not for a wife to read a book on how to help your husband
but to ask him because every husband's different. And then for the husband to actually have the courage to say "Okay, here's exactly how I need you." When I come home from preaching
I need you tell me, "That was great", because I know it wasn't but I need to be lied to just so I don't kill myself. You know you may need your wife to be your encourager, to be your supporter, to be your refuge, to be your cheerleader, to really put her finger on your chest and say, "That's wrong. That's a sin." To be your helper in whatever that means to be helpful. I mean, sometimes wives say, "Am I being submissive?" Okay, submissive is good but it's always helpful. That was why she was made to be helpful. Sometimes "helpful" means she tells you, "You're an idiot."
January 7, 2007
Part 1: God's Hand in Our Suffering
Pastor Mark Driscoll
Let me wrap all of this up. As your pastor, who loves you very much – I say that sincerely – would you be as honest as Naomi today, and would you acknowledge that your life and mine are like Naomi and Ruth’s stories in which the providential hand of God is at work, in which he calls us to be honest and to run to him and one another as God’s people, to work out those parts of our life that we consider afflictions, but not yet have received them as sanctified? And would you identify yourself with someone in the story – who are you? How many of you, you’re Elimelech-ish? You’re Elimelech-ish. Elimelech is the guy – Everything falls apart. It looks dark. It looks bad. He takes a poll. He makes a plan. He decides Moab has a lower cost of living. Moab has more vocational opportunity. Moab has food on the table – I will make a plan. I will be the sovereign. I will take care of everything. Trust me, I know what I’m doing. He leads well. He plans well. He tries to be the sovereign. Everybody dies anyways.
I am Elimelech. I asked my wife, “Which one am I?” Oh, my wife – she didn’t even breathe. Didn’t even take a breath. “Oh, you’re Elimelech.” And his name means what? My God is King! That was me. If you ask me, Jesus, sovereign, Lord, King, God, and if I ever need ‘em, I’ll call, but I don’t think I do ‘cause I got this all taken care of. Elimelech-ish.
March 6, 2008
When the Lord isn’t talking to this man, kiddingly called a short-fused drama queen by his wife, his critics are blogging about him. Some of the sharper barbs make it difficult for Driscoll to hide the hurt.