Lief Moi, along with Mark Driscoll and Mike Gunn, were the founding pastors of Mars Hill. Lief Moi has previously confessed his sins to Mars Hill at RepentantPastor.com. What follows are his personal thoughts on Mark Driscoll’s most recent statement on the latest charges against him.
Almost two years ago I began my treatment program for alcoholism. I was charged with a DUI and the court ordered that I attend treatment for 2 years. At first I was just angry and blamed everyone else but me for the level of my drinking and therefore was unable to see how deep into the abyss I had fallen.
Over the next months I began to see how my behavior and choices were a result of hidden and repressed wounds as well as belief structures that I had adopted to survive. One of the character traits that I was illuminated to was narcissism. At first I rejected this diagnosis even though I had been told that I was one before during counseling with Bent Meyer, but this time I was forced to confront it and work the program. I can honestly say that it was a major turning point in my life on the level of being saved. For the first time I understood why I thought the thoughts I did and behaved the way I behaved. Everything began to fall in place and finally I was able to get to the secret places of my heart.
For the first time I began to see and understand that most people did not think like I did, they didn’t manipulate their way through life, they didn’t use people to get what they wanted or where they wanted to go, they actually had friends and were a friend, they didn’t lie to get themselves out of trouble, they didn’t live in grandiosity always believing the glass is not only half full but overflowing. They actually lived in the now and reality, not what could be or should be. They had relationships that where connected and did not live in a dissociative manner of being.
It was also at this time that I became aware of just how much my thinking and behaving affected others, and for the first time I began to truly understand the depths of pain and hurt I had caused - with my wife, family, friends, employees, acquaintances. This was also the first time that I could begin to confess (without excuses or rationalizing) to repent (not just in word and sincerity) but with action, and reconcile (not just making peace but joining for the first time in real relationship). In some ways this was a second, second birth.
Listening to Mark last Sunday and seeing his body language I can confidently say that he is not capable at this time of seeing or understanding what he has done. It is all mixed up with manipulation, rationalization, justification, self pity, bitterness, hatred, anger, confusion, and so much more. His statement is not breathed or moved by the Holy Spirit. There was not sorrow for the broken hearts, broken families, broken marriages, broken lives that have come as a result of the last many years at Mars Hill.
We will know when repentance and confession is genuine and Holy spirit empowered because it will seek unity and love for one another. Jesus’ prayer was that we would be one as he and the Father are one and would love each other as He loves the Father. This love will look like humility, putting the needs of others over our own, having a servants heart, being willing to sacrifice our own desires and wants for those of our brothers and sisters, laying down power, influence, control for the sake of peace and unity, welcoming correction and willfully submitting. These are but a few of the signs that Jesus is being lifted up, the Holy Spirit is at work and the Father is being glorified.