Friday, August 14, 2009

satires of Reformed hymnody/theology inspired by Fearsome Comrade at BHT

Over on the BHT Fearsome Comrade made a funny reply about why standard hymns from the Reformed camp have not made it into a Lutheran hymnal. He included two laugh out loud titles of imaginary hymns that I decided to make 'real' by writing. I ran both of them by him and he revised a verse for the second one in a way I really like. So here are two texts, the second one co-written by Wenatchee the Hatchet and Fearsome Comrade. How's that for a collaboration?

Rejoice Ye Homeschooled Children

Rejoice ye homeschooled children
Who, spared from teh godless state,
Can stay at home and listen
To learn well how to orate.

Rejoice ye homeschooled children
for the covenants are yours
not for the Arminian
whose apostasy endures.

Rejoice ye homeschooled children
now saved from the sins of Rome
the semi-Pelagian
is not welcome in our home.

Rejoice ye homeschooled children
for ye shall be trained to breed
so that the wicked Moslem
our number may not exceed.

Rejoice ye homeschooled children
God's republic ye restore
and our post-millenial
Hour is sooner than before.

The Lord Hath Bought Me (But Not Thee)
by Wenatchee The Hatchet and Fearsome Comrade

The Lord hath bought me but not thee
who dies in thine apostasy--
recipient of common grace
thou doth not know thy proper place
is burning `neath the wrath of God
and crushed beneath the iron rod.
Up for thyself thou storeth fire
and hast no fruit but are a briar.

How glad am I I am not thee
God's mercy hath elected me
While all for you His fire burns
Away from you His mercy turns!
You cannot from your sins repent
and from your wickedness relent.
Thine heart is all idolatry
The Lord hath willed it so to be.

E'en life is more than you deserve
upon this earth, God doth preserve
You only so that you may burn
that from you the Elect may learn
how merciful God is to them
and not to those who reject Him
Know this sinner that God hates you
for who you are not what you do.

I feel like I shouldn't have to throw in the irony/satire alert here but seeing how some folks have kept misunderstanding and misinterpreting what I have written elsewhere on some other issues I guess a closing irony alert is in order. Just because I'm a Calvinist (yes, really) who is supportive of friends and family who homeschool and have friends who have been home-schooled doesn't mean I can't satirize a few things.

Thanks to Fearsome Comrade for his feedback and interaction on the second one. Maybe I'll write some music and have these be options for some super-Reformed hymnal somewhere.

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